Tonight's Mad Men was entitled My Old Kentucky Home. The episode examined the roles we play and the uncomfortable tension which can result when those roles shift.
It was not only the title of tonight's episode that got me thinking about my own life back in My Old Kentucky Home. It is weird to spend your entire childhood in a place and then return to it several years after as an adult. Weird but wonderful. Everything is the same but different. You are the same but different. What has shocked me the most is not the intensity of the emotions I feel for Paducah. I love Paducah and living here is as wonderful as I thought it would be. What has shocked me is the intensity of the emotion I feel for the place I left behind.
We spent four years in D.C., which considering Griffin has officially been in our lives for a year now (I found out I was pregnant almost a year ago next week) doesn't seem like that long. But those years were transformative. Law school, working on the campaign, my job on the Senate, all the relationships I formed really made such an impact on my life and D.C. was the backdrop for all of that. I expected to miss the people but I'm surprised by how much I miss the city itself.
I miss coming down the steps of our building to the bustling sounds of Connecticut, climbing the escalator at Chinatown to see the big painted arch, knowing that I need to get to the end of the train in order to come out at the right exit at Union Station. I miss the sight of the Capital Dome so much sometimes it hurts. I miss catching glimpses of D.C. on TV or movies and smiling with the smug knowledge that I LIVE there.
I know Kentucky is where I belong. Every time I see a wide open blue sky over rolling green hills my heart expands a little. Every time I see my mom coo at Griffin or Ron hold him close I know Nicholas and I made the right decision for our family.
But it doesn't mean this new role I chose for myself doesn't have its bittersweet moments. I'm realizing that My Old Kentucky Home was not my only home after all.
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2 comments:
I understand.
Interesting. I don't miss D.C.--at least not yet. I think maybe I can get my fill of a place and move on. (Of course, I spent a decade in D.C.)
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