Thursday, February 25, 2010

Reaching out

So...about that whole changing every single thing in my life.

Turns out. The teensiest bit harder than I expected.

Look, I've been honest about how totally and completely I hate transitions. (See here) I do not handle them well. You would think at this point I'd see the stress coming from a mile away. I'd steel myself. I'd prepare. I'd do yoga.

You'd be wrong.

I was genuinely unprepared for how different my life would become and how intensely that would affect me. I think on some level I thought since I was choosing these changes the transition wouldn't be so hard. What could be so stressful about having everything you'd hoped and planned for reach fruition? A lot actually. Go figure.

On top of everything else, when I was at my lowest or most vulnerable I thought I couldn't say anything because I'd seem ungrateful or annoying. I could just hear the chorus - "But this is what you wanted!"

So, I've kept my head down and my fears and anxieties to myself. In the mean time, I was getting buried somewhere beneath the rubble of my old life and the freshly laid foundation of my new one.

I'm beginning to realize that discussing things with the not so reasonable voice inside my own head is not working. I'm also beginning to realize that just because huge changes got me to this place doesn't mean only huge changes are going to get me out. Instead, I'm taking one day at a time. I'm facing the fears, learning their names, and inviting them to calm the hell down.

And I'm reaching out.

Reaching out for help, for support, for a listening ear. In other words, if you like your baby pictures with a side of emotional confessionals - you've come to the right place!

3 comments:

Laura Israel said...

listening...

heather said...

Oh, girl. I'm certainly with you. Feel free to give me a shout; I'm experiencing a lot of the same change-anxiety.

Here's hoping things look up for us both!

dylan said...

As someone who downsized his life into 2 suitcases and moved to Europe for a temporary opportunity... I'm listening.