dispatches from quilt city

Liveblogging the VMAs

9:00 - Britney, oh god I'm scared...
9:03 - Well, she didn't fall off the stage. So that's good - but she seemed so half-ass. I don't even know why she bothered lip-synching. Anyway, she survived but it wasn't Britney's comeback.
9:05 - Sending Sarah Silverman out next? This is not going to be good for her.
9:07 - Ok, wrap it up Sarah. I'm getting bored.
9:08 - "Jews are like snowflakes" Ha! Who's the live band?
9:09 - NO RERUNS!?! What?!? They should have made that more clear beforehand.
9:10 - I want to go to JT's party!
9:11 - Hey that chick from Pussycat Dolls stole Amy Winehouse's hair.
9:12 - Holy crap how many nominees are THERE!?! I don't like that Umbrella song, but you know what I do like? Rihanna's dress - she looks like Barbie :)
9:15 - It's officially times for someone to explain those glasses everyone at Kanye's party is wearing. I don't get it.
9:22 - I knew this text thing was too complicated. I voted for the wrong one. Damn! I think that officially makes me too old for this.
9:23 - They texted me back the opportunity to buy Britney ringtones. No thanks.
9:24 - I really hate the way they are presenting the nominees. Although the winner is clear: Justin Timberlake! ... THAT'S RIGHT! Look how cute he is! I think he's drunk. Still cute but drunk.
9:25 - These little mini-party/performances are lame. I want big stage productions. I don't feel like I'm there. I feel bored.
9:27 - God I wish I was watching The Hills instead.
9:33 - Oh!!! Kanye and 50 on one stage. What could happen!?! I'm guessing awkward jokes and stares.
9:34 - Again, the winner is clearly Justin Timberlake...WHAT!?! Beyonce and Shakira over Sexy Back. Are you freaking kidding me?!? At least, I was wrong about the Kanye/50 awkward jokes.
9:35 - Holy mama! I think her boobs might fall out. She seems one tuck away from disaster.
9:36 - Adam Levine is sexy. I wish he wasn't wearing a vest but he's still sexy.
9:37 - Jeez another commercial.
9:41 - Nipple alert!
9:42 - False alarm - they were pasties.
9:43 - A real performance. Thank God.
9:44 - Chris Brown?!? Really? I do love those little kids he dances with. They're amazing.
9:45 - Something tells me the Charlie Chaplin reference is going to be lost on this crowd. The dancing on the tables is kind of cool though, wouldn't want to be the ones they were jumping over but still.
9:46 - Someone actually singing - that's a nice change.
9:47 - Ok Billy Jean. I can get down with this and he really can dance.
9:56 - WHAT no Heidi! LOL! If JT doesn't win, I'm going to throw something.
9:57 - YEAH!!!! He is the hottest. Seriously, hot. I lose my language skills, all I can say is hot. See - mumbling, not making sense, still hot! It's like magic.
10:00 - The lead singer of Gnarls Barkley is really fat. Just sayin.
10:04 - When is the pole dancing going to be over? I'm so over it.
10:05 - Timbaland has some serious guns.
10:06 - The only thing lamer than Shia Labeouf's mustache is his name.
10:07 - The winner is Amy Winehouse. Come on! .... FERGIE! Seriously! - Actually who am I kidding? I have Glamourous as a ringtone. I can't lie.
10:08 - I thought Pamela had her boobs taken out. They don't look any smaller. Also, I think Nicholas has bowed out for the evening. He's disappeared.
10:10 - Oh that helicopter shot is cool.
10:13 - I'm all over Pageant Place. Believe that.
10:19 - A place we've never been before? We'll see.
10:21 - I've been here before. Fog and lazors? It was called Stone Mountain.
10:24 - I love the White Stripes. I hope they win ... Fall Out Boy - right, why am I still watching?
10:34 - I like Alicia but I'm not feeling this.
10:36 - Don't drag Stevie into this! Oh hell no! I know she's not dragging my favorite song of ALL TIME into this. Please god, leave it alone. I'm begging you.
10:37 - Stop it. Stop it now. Before I beat you with your sparkly boots.
10:44 - Pudgy pale guy taking his clothes off would definitely NOT be a good time.
10:45 - Tommy Lee and Kid Rock fought?!? Now that would have been worth seeing!
10:46 - Someone save Jennifer Garner. Quickly.
10:47 - You've got to be freaking kidding me. Amy Winehouse is hands down the most creative, real thing to come out of the music industry in like years. I know she's a hot mess but she's still crazy talented.
10:48 - Miss Teen South Carolina!!! ha! Props to the girl for showing her face.
10:55 - Mary J. Someone with talent.
10:56 - Dr. Dre, even more talent. Maybe he can save this sinking ship.
10:59 - Great the song I don't really like beat out two songs that I loved. With that I think it's time to call it a night.

Thanks for nothing MTV. I thought after the Movie Awards this might be decent. I was wrong.

11:05 - JUST KIDDING! More JT. I'm still here. And I love Nelly.
11:06 - Now this is more like it. I really like the Vegas showgirl feather send up.
11:07 - Seriously, Timbaland is like RAMBO. I can't get over his massive arms.
11:08 - Justin!!! Hot. Hot. Hot. Love the disco ball. Watch him move.
11:10 - I love the three of them together. See now, these last five minutes have been awesome. Too bad the rest of it sucked.