dispatches from quilt city

Rosie

So here's the thing. I've liked Rosie O'Donnell forever. Seriously, I mean Stand-Up Spotlight on VH1 forever. I've always felt that, above all else, she is honest and sincere. People connect with that and that's probably why she had one of the most successful talk shows since God invented Oprah.

Now, that is not to say I agree with everything she says. I think her statements regarding a 9/11 conspiracy stuff are way out in left field. However, even if I disagree with her, I really relate to the way she argues. Probably because the same things that get her in trouble have gotten me in trouble most of my life.

To Rosie, there is a personal and emotional connection to her political beliefs. I understand that and I'm sure most of you (particularly Nicholas) have encountered that more than once. I am what I believe and I am passionate person. Period. This isn't point-counterpoint - this is my life.

I think the clearest example is when Rosie attacked Tom Selleck on her show for his support of the NRA. I know a lot of people thought it was wrong to ambush him like that when he was just promoting his movie. But to Rosie supporting the NRA is not something you leave at home when there are children dying. They spoke across each other the whole time. He talked objectively about Constitutional rights and couldn't understand why she was getting so upset. She was talking about protecting kids and I have no doubt she had her own children in mind.

I remember watching that show and feeling like I would have said the exact same things. I think that's why I often start crying when I argue. Because it is so frustrating to feel something so truly and deeply, to have it come from a really good place, and have people react negatively. It's also why I want to kill Nicholas when he plays devil's advocate just to argue with me. I don't want to hear that. I want to hear what he knows on the deepest level of his self to be true.

Unfortunately, being that passionate and exposing yourself in that way has an extreme downside. The truest thing said in the entire View segment on Wednesday was when Rosie said, "Here's how it gets spun in the media. Rosie, big, fat lesbian, loud Rosie attacks innocent, pure Christian Elisabeth. And I'm not going to do it."

I couldn't agree more and I've seen it a million times in my life. (Well, except the lesbian part.) Basically, I think opening yourself up and being passionate about something as a woman freaks people the hell out. Pure and simple. Our society is still not truly comfortable with strong, straight women, much less gay women. Need proof? Look no further than the latest biography on Hillary Clinton, the entire angle (and accusation) is that she's ambitious. Are you kidding me? And the same things are said over and over again about Martha Stewart, Oprah, Barbara Streisand, the list goes on and on.

Growing up, I heard the words "abrasive," "obnoxious," and "loud" a lot. "Sarah, you're just too abrasive. You've got to tone it down." "Sarah, you talk to much. You're so loud." To this day, the word abrasive stings like someone has slapped me across the face. It took me a long time to realize no one said these types of things to my male friends and that, while keeping my mouth shut isn't always a bad idea, I should never tone it down because I'm a woman.

Of course, I've also learned that not everyone argues this way and (deep breath) that's ok. But does that mean I'm going to stop thinking or arguing the way I do? No, I'm not and I hope Rosie doesn't either. That's what makes me me and that's what makes Rosie Rosie.