Day 13

Today Griffin had his first tummy time yesterday. He seemed to enjoy it. He's been in a real hurry to hold his head up and has incredibly strong neck muscles. At 13 days old, he managed to lift his head and turn it to the other side while on his stomach. It was pretty insane.

Day 12

Day 11

Day 10

Day 9

Griffin went for his first walk yesterday. He was meh on it. He also had a little bout of gas that made him cranky. We think it was from the strawberries I had several nights on a row. Otherwise, he's still doing great and growing like crazy.

Day 8

Griffin got his first infant massage last night. He seemed to really enjoy it and visibly relaxed. We also showed him his special White on Black book made just for infants because they can see white and black contrast. It was amazing to see him focus in on something so intently. The last picture is Nicholas asking if Griffin looks anything like him - leave your feedback in the comments. ;)

Day 7

Griffin turned one week old yesterday. I'm already a little sad at how fast the days are flying by.

It was a big day for the little guy. He took his first trip to the lake. He met several family members and I had my first new mother anxiety attack. I think it was a combination of heat and paranoia about him being exposed to so many people but I settled down semi-quickly.

Day Six

He had his first bath yesterday and was SO not a fan.

The Birth

When I was in college, I took a religion course with a professor who was passionate about birth. I don't remember exactly how he fit it in but we read several articles by Michael Odent a home and water birth pioneer. I remember being completely overwhelmed by how powerful birth could be if it was given the respect it deserved. Since college, I continued to read more about the history of birth, watch and learn from my friend's births, and dream of the day I could have finally have this experience for myself.

I haven't really written about my journey to home birth on the blog for a lot of reasons. For so many months, when we were still working out the logistics of the move to Kentucky or even wondering if it would all happen, I wasn't sure how the home birth would work out. Family members had to be convinced and I had to find a midwife in a notoriously anti-midwife environment. However, in small ways and piece by piece, things fell in place.

The only time that my dream seemed in jeopardy was the week before I went into labor. I had had such a healthy pregnancy up until that point and had been vigilant about maintaining my weight. However, as the due date approached, I basically decided I was out of the woods and started eating whatever I wanted. My blood pressure skyrocketed and my midwife told me point blank that if I didn't get it down by the next day I would have to go to the hospital. She looked me straight in the eye and said they would put me on a magnesium drip and induce me with pitocin. At that moment, I felt my entire being say NO and I knew that was not going to be my reality. Thanks to my friend Elizabeth who was visiting and bought about a thousand pounds of fruits and veggies, I was able through diet, meditation, and yoga to drop my diastolic by almost 20 points in 24 hours. Now, I have a hunch my little guy was not so happy about the sudden absence of all cookies, cake, and donuts because as we all know he decided to arrive after about 2 days after my diet change.

I woke up at 5am on Saturday morning with what felt like bad menstrual cramps. I'd had those a couple of mornings over the past two weeks but I usually fell back asleep and they would stop. Well, these weren't stopping so I decided to get up and walk around the house for awhile. I paced for about an hour before I woke up Nicholas and told him we were taking a walk around the neighborhood. He definitely seemed confused at first but I told him not to get too excited because I kept thinking it could end at any moment. We walked around for about 45 minutes and he attempted to time the contractions but they were all over the place. We came back in and I tried to distract myself by watching some TV and putting stamps on announcement envelopes. After a while, I even tried to go back to sleep but the second I would fade off another contraction would come on.

Around 10 am, my midwife and her assistant showed up. I think at that point I realized that there is no way this was false labor and that it was really happening, especially when she checked me and said I was 3 centimeters dilated. At this point, I was beginning to have trouble handling the contractions by myself so they couldn't have arrived at a better time. I just felt like I didn't have a real strategy but my midwife came in and immediately began coaching me. She would tell me when to change positions and what positions to try. The best part was her and her assistant began massaging my back, which was not only a relief but seemed to really move things along. Her coaching totally allowed me to relax and stay out of my head. I knew I didn't have to worry about my breathing or my position and all I had to focus on was bringing him down into my pelvis.

At the time, I had no real perspective on time. I remember once looking out the window and wondering if it would start to get dark soon. However, in reality, things were moving along incredibly fast. My midwife checked me again about two hours later and I was already up to 7 centimeters. My mom and Nicholas had been sitting up the pool this entire time which was perfect, because the contractions were getting really intense.

I spent about two hours in the pool. The most comfortable position was doubled over the side with my midwife or her assistant applying pressure to my hips and rocking them back and forth. Again, I can't emphasize enough how instrumental all the support was in allowing me to handle the contractions and move forward. There were a couple times I would feel a contraction coming and no one had their hands on me. It was really scary to feel like I was alone and I would just yell HELP! Suddenly, all these hands were on me and people were whispering in my ears.

My midwife's assistant was the one I needed the most towards the end. She had large, strong hands and would push my hips back and forth. There came a moment when I realized that I didn't have to use any of my muscles to move my hips and that she would do it for me. It was such a relief to stop moving. Again, it was just another thing that let me stay out of my head and just relax into the contractions.

I also remember my midwife looking me in the eyes and telling me every contraction I had was one fewer I had to have. She told me at the perfect moment because I think I was starting to anticipate the pain and tense up. Her telling me that reminded me the pain has a purpose and that I had to move through it in order for it to end.

I started having the urge to push towards the end of my time in the pool. It was so exciting to know I was approaching the finish line. My water had still not broken and was bulging out of my body. My midwife decided to go ahead and break my water in the pool. I don't remember that making a huge difference in the intensity of the contractions. They were all pretty intense at that point. My midwife decided that moving to the bedroom might be what I needed to make him crown. So, I made what seemed like a very long walk back to our bedroom.

At first I was basically squatting off the end of the bed but my midwife informed me that she couldn't hold me and the baby. We tried a couple of pushes on my back but the baby's heart rate would drop. I started to get frustrated because I felt like every time everyone would yell how close he was to crowning but nothing was happening. At one point, I yelled at my midwife to get him out! She yelled right back that I was the only one that could do that. Finally, I was squatting into the contractions and then standing back up. It started to burn but I knew that I had to push into the burn to really make it happen. Then, sort of when I least expected it, I heard a blop and heard Nicholas's voice full of emotion yell, "He's out! Oh my god, he's out!"

Because I was standing, I sort of doubled over and they put Griffin on my back. So, everyone could see him but me. I was crying, "Let me see my baby!" After what felt like forever, I laid down on the bed. They handed him to me and my life changed forever.

Now, I cannot emphasize enough that this birth would have been impossible without my midwife and her support. I trusted her with every ounce of my body. If she told me to get a ladder and jump off the roof, I would have done it. I knew that she was there totally and completely for me. She had no other patients. She wasn't thinking about her own liability. All she wanted was for me to have the birth I'd dreamed about and to keep me and my son safe. I remember registering when she would take his heart rate and couldn't find it for second or two. However, it was literally just a passing observance. I never remember feeling any fear or doubt that either of us weren't safe in her care. Because I didn't have to think of any of this, I could focus all my energy on giving birth.

I wish I could fully express my feelings about that day. The birth of your first child changes everyone's life but for me his arrival is inextricably linked to how he arrived. The journey through the pain with no medical intervention or drugs was essential to the perfection of our first moments - even days - together. Griffin wasn't groggy or traumatized. My body and my hormones were allowed to flow naturally so I felt (and have continued to feel) so happy and mellow.

I fought hard for the home birth I wanted and I worked hard through the birth itself. All of it was worth it though for the perfection of moments like this.

Day Five

So today was basically try out all our new baby toys on the baby. Can you tell?

Day Four

Day Three

Day Two

Day One

First Morning
Originally uploaded by SarahorNicholas

With his great-grandmother

Welcome to the world little one!

Everyone meet Griffin Stewart Holland. Born today at 2:55pm at home in Paducah, KY. He weighed 9 lbs 7 ounces and is 22 inches long.

He is ...of course.... the best baby EVER!!!!

Week 38

Ok so maybe putting off posting for a couple of days isn't the best of idea this late in the game. ;)

Don't worry - I'm still pregnant. We've just had some very eventful days. Last week, we finished up a ton of work on the house and it actually looks like someone lives there. My Aunt Lana came into town for Mother's Day and it was another whirlwind of decorating and late night trips to TJ Maxx.

Also, my dear friend Elizabeth came into town with her two boys and we've had a really fun time hanging out with them. They got here Friday, while we were in Nashville for Pamela's graduation from law school. We had a really lovely time with Nicholas's family and lovely Mother's Day with mine.

The baby is still hanging out. Clearly, he is pretty comfortable but we're not pressuring him. The most important thing is that he's ready so I'm trying to stay patient. :)

Week 37

So....

Still pregnant. Thanks for asking. :)

Still dragging around this giant belly. I've even learned to give it a big shove with my hand when I roll over at night.

It's been a bit weird shift in attitude this last week. I went from focusing all on my attention on keeping the baby inside to - all of a sudden - waiting for and wanting him to come out. Of course, everyone else in the entire world also seems focused on this outcome so that probably enhances my perception that everyone is secretly slipping pitocin in my water.

I had told myself that I wouldn't get all stressed about when he showed up and that ultimately this little baby boy is the one who decides when he's ready. And just to clarify I'm not sick of being pregnant and want him out for my own comfort, it's more about the fact that we start studying for the bar at the end of May and I'd like a week or two with him before I have to start scheduling study time.

On other fronts, the house is coming along nicely. The bathroom is supposed to be finished this week. After that, we're going to have the house cleaned and the carpets steamed. Hopefully, we'll be moving boxes in by this weekend.

Two Downs:
1. At a shower this weekend, a lady from my church looked at me with the biggest smile on her face and exclaimed, "You must be miserable!!!" It was ridiculous.
2. I miss my full range of motion.

Two Ups:
1. It has been an incredible relief to stop worrying about premature birth and all its complications.
2. We put together the crib and crib bedding this weekend and it was so awesome to have the nursery start looking like a nursery!

Week 36

So, big news on the baby front ... I am now officially full term!!! It feels really good (and a little crazy) to know that the baby could safely arrive at any time now. Getting to the end of this week was really important to me because I wanted to make it to full term AND make it to my final baby shower on Sunday.

This is the fourth for those keeping score at home. It was hosted by my fabulous aunts Wendy and Lana and they did a really beautiful job. This shower was mainly for my friends and family in Paducah and it meant so much to me to have everyone there. We had cake and I opened a ton of presents. I got lots of great gear and some adorable little outfits.

My grandmother claims I will wear this baby out changing its clothes, because I've already bought so many clothes on my own. I would just like to say in my defense that when we found out the baby was a boy, there were only a couple of sad little onesies left after I sorted out the girl stuff. I just felt so bad for my little man that I might have slightly overreacted. But whatever so my baby will be the best dressed baby boy in Paducah...there are worse fates.

Anyway, the shower wasn't the only party this weekend. My family kept it going all weekend because we also had a surprise housewarming party for my cousin Michael. He just bought his first house and after the party, it will be filled with lots of kitchen supplies and more laundry detergent then he might ever use.

The other positive development this week was we found a pediatrician! We had an interview with another doctor who had come highly recommended by many of my friends and he was just as wonderful as they had described. He's opposed to the overuse of antibiotics, he is very supportive of us using an alternative vaccine schedule, and he seems generally passionate about the care of children. My favorite moment was when he said, "I try to practice 21st century medicine. I'm not going to do something just because it's been done for the past 15 years." I almost hugged him. So, yeah! - our baby has a doctor.

Our home improvements are also moving along nicely and we finished painting the two front rooms. Since my aunt was in town for the shower, we took a few more runs through Surplus City and TJ Maxx and picked out drapes and accesssories for several of our rooms. Everything is really coming together and it's so exciting.

The only blip this week was that my mother was diagnosed with BOTH strands of the flu (no it's not swine flu!). The best part is she got the flu vaccine, which justifies me further in never getting said vaccine because it's freaking pointless. She feels pretty bad but we've quarantined her in her bedroom and no one else in the house has gotten sick, so I think we're ok.

Two Downs:
1. My hips and lower back are really starting to hurt, especially at night. If I don't do my yoga, it's difficult to sleep through the night.
2. I'm starting to get frustrated with my limited range of motion. It sucks feeling like a turtle on its back half the time.

Two Ups:
1. I'm starting to get really excited about the baby actually being here and in my arms. I'm even excited about labor and delivery (yeah, yeah it hurts - I know!).
2. Other than the hip and back pain, I still feel really great - no swelling, no heartburn, no nothing.

Paducah Baby Shower

Paducah Baby Shower from hollandnm on Vimeo.

Week 35

We had another busy week this week. The biggest news is we closed on our house on Friday! After a couple weeks off, we are officially homeowners again. Everything went as planned and they even got started on the bathroom redo earlier than we thought. By Friday evening, everything but the floors and walls had been completely ripped out. It was so exciting to see that project getting started because I cannot WAIT for the result.

We also started painting and by "we" I mean Nicholas, Mom (despite her broken toe), and Ron. Over the weekend, the nursery was painted and they put one coat on the living room. We managed to squeeze this in along with a trip to Tennessee to pick up my new dining room furniture I bought off Craigslist for a steal!

There were also a few developments on the baby front. I interviewed a pediatrician, which has been on my list for awhile. Unfortunately, it did not go well. My first sign that this was not going to be a match made in heaven was when I said that her practice had a reputation for being antibiotic-happy and she laughingly responded, "We probably are!" If that wasn't enough, she went on to describe herself as a "lazy toilet trainer" and opined that the immunization system is perfect like it is. Needless to say, I'm hoping the interview this week goes better. Another major to-do item I checked off was Infant CPR. Ron, Nicholas, and I attended an American Heart Association training and I feel much better prepared should the unthinkable happen.

On top of it all, I had a lovely shower on Saturday in La Center with my Nanny and her friends. Everyone was so sweet to come celebrate with me and so generous to give such great gifts. I had a really wonderful time.

One Down:
1. I'm reinstating the downs for this week not because I'm feeling bad but because I need an outlet for my frustration. I really, really need strangers to stop commenting on my belly. I get it. I'm pregnant. You think I'm going to go "any minute" or that I'm about to "pop." But guess what? I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK!!! Keep it to your dang self!

Two Ups:
1. It has been so exciting to start organizing and putting the nursery together in our new home.
2. Despite several warnings from relatives, I have not put on a ton of weight at the end. In fact, my weight seems to have stabilized.

Too cute not to share

Baby Steals

Since it seems every other friend I have is either pregnant or just had a baby, I thought I'd include a link for one of my favorite sites to find little baby bargains (especially for all of you that don't have the pleasure of living near Surplus City!)

It's called Baby Steals and they put up a new deal on a product every day - it can be everything from baby clothes to strollers to bibs to you name it. They post at 9am mountain time and you have to get there quick for the really high demand items because they only have a select amount.

Nicholas was in charge for awhile but I took over after he'd always announce they had some great item I'd wanted followed quickly by - "Oh, never mind they're sold out."

La Center Baby Shower

La Center Baby Shower from hollandnm on Vimeo.

Week 34

We had a lot of exciting developments this week. First, we got our car seat installed by the fire department. I was determined not to be one of those people who procrastinate the big tasks until the last minute, so it felt good to get that done.

Even more exciting, I found a doula! My mom was off for spring break so she got to come with me to meet her. I had all these official interview questions printed out but they basically got thrown out the window after the first few minutes. In a nutshell, she shares all my values and opinions about birth and we got along amazingly well. I'm so excited to know she'll be there to coach and support both me and Nicholas.

As if the perfect doula wasn't enough, Nicholas and I went to have maternity photos taken on Saturday. We took several with both of us in matching black shirts and then she took a roll of me wrapped in a long cheesecloth. The photographer was really great and I'm so excited we got to document my belly in a really beautiful way - although I know y'all are boiled over by the beauty of our weekly shots in front of the door. ;)

That night my Aunt Lana came to town with her family for Easter and we scheduled a walk through of the house so she could see it. For those of you who have not met my aunt, she is quite the force of nature. She channels all this energy into interior design as her day job and has lovingly agreed to design our new house for us. It is really amazing to see her at work, but just to give you an idea. She arrived around 5 pm on Saturday and by that night she had already picked the paint colors for the living room, dining room, nursery, a bathroom, and our bedroom.... oh and we somehow managed to get to Surplus City in time for me to buy a couch and loveseat, Home Depot to pick out fixtures, tile, and a vanity, AND to TJ Maxx for pillows, bathroom accessories, and towels. It was pretty wild.

It's amazing we all had any energy for Easter Sunday, but we did and had a wonderful time with all of the family. The Easter Bunny even came that morning, which was VERY exciting, especially since I'm guess it's the last year I'm going to be getting a basket. :)

Two Ups:
1. I'm only doing ups this week because I still feel pretty great. I'm so grateful that it seems wrong to search for things to complain about.
2. The baby is super-active, which is really great because I never have to wonder if he's doing ok. The giant moving lump on side of my belly I think is a pretty good sign. :)

Week 33

Well, dang, since I don't have any huge life changes to report this week, I feel a little lame. I did have a really nice week, which involved upteen trips to Surplus City. It's gotten to the point where one of the employees expressed concern that I might actually give birth in the store. ;)

I had a nice afternoon with my Nanny one day. On Saturday, we ate breakfast with all of my family and Nicholas got some fishing in. That night Nicholas made dinner for my mom, Ron, and their close friends the Orr's and the Blythe's, which was a lot of fun.

Other than that, we're just trying to wrap a few loose ends before the birth. My goal is to have nothing else on my checklist by the end of next week and I'm proud to say we're right on track. We bought a bunch of supplies over the weekend and I washed my first load of tiny little baby things. It was pretty adorable, although I'm sure it will be less so around load 3,498.

Two Downs:
1. The same area I've been complaining about - around my ribs where all my organs are smooched up - is getting more sensitive by the day.
2. I get tired sooo easy. I can't make more than a couple of trips around Surplus City without desperately needing to sit down.

Two Ups:
1. Despite a few days last week, I'm sleeping pretty well, which I am incredibly thankful for.
2. My hormones have been giving me a run for my money. I can tell almost from the second I wake up if everything will be sunshine and roses or if I'm going to want chew razorblades, as my mom used to say. Sometimes if I take a nap I can reset myself as the case may be, but I hate being a slave to my moods. I'm sure Nicholas would give that a firm second.

Critter Capture: Part Deux

Critter Capture: Part Deux
Originally uploaded by SarahorNicholas

First, it was Peter the Possum behind the house.

Now, it's Randy the Racoon in the attic.

My next guess is Miss Scarlett in the Library.

Critter Capture

Critter Capture
Originally uploaded by SarahorNicholas

On this episode of the new reality show starring Sarah and Nicholas, The Paducah Project, we have a very special guest start - Peter the Possum!

I swear I couldn't make this stuff up.

We've been hearing scurrying, scratching, and general hijinks coming from fireplace and attic for several weeks. My mother claims she's been hearing this "critter" for quite sometime and has been meaning to call my Grandaddy Bud to help her take care of it. Well, Maggie must have been the extra push she needed because she was NOT standing for it and would freak the hell out every time the critter made a sound.

We called Daddy Bud who told us he would bring us his trap (which of course he already owned) and informed us it was likely a raccoon. While advising us on how best to lure the critter, he informed us that "coons LOVE marshmallows!" Who knew.

Well, Nicholas and Mom very excitedly sat up the trap and would check it every day. It was actually Maggie who first realized the trap had worked and caught up our dear friend Peter the Possum. They were both very excited, although I have to say Nicholas was very hesitant - notice who is standing closer to the trap in the picture.

Ron decided the only logical solution was to drive the possum in his car across the river to Southern Illinois, thereby guaranteeing the possum could not return and making it officially "Illinois's problem." He was pretty insistent, so him and my mom drove Peter to Illinois. Apparently, he was a little hesitant at first and they literally had to dump the trap out before he got the hint and scurried off into the forest.

Sadly, that night we continued to hear critter noises. My mother now feels Peter was probably an innocent bystander and has reset the trap this time upstairs in the attic.

Critter Gate continues.

I'll keep you all informed.

Week 32

Another big week in Paducah. Not happy to quit our jobs, move across several states, buy a car, go to Mexico, and change the gender of our baby in about three weeks, we decided we'd just go ahead and buy a house of our very own on top of it all.

We have a contract on a great house with more than two rooms and four-digit square footage. It is about 2 1/2 minutes from both my mother and grandmother in a wonderful neighborhood with a nice private location. We really love the big spacious bedrooms and the big open kitchen and den area. Maggie is super-pumped about the sliding glass door to look out of and the fenced in backyard. Nicholas did agree to the master bath remodel (act surprised), which should be finished before we move in. We close on April 17th, so hopefully we'll be moved in before the baby arrives.

We also had a very exciting weekend filled with LOTS of baby-related events and a little mini-trip to Nashville to see Nicholas's brother Benjamin, his wife Ginger, and his sister Pamela. Before setting out we went by BabyFest at one of the local hospitals and boy was it. We entered about a million drawings and got lots of free stuff. Of course, one of the doctors was passing out formula measuring spoons, which sent me in a tizzy but I tried to keep it in check.

Afterwards, we stopped by Surplus City on our way out of town. Now, I can't believe I haven't posted about Surplus City yet, especially since I go about 3-4 times a week. It is a giant warehouse filled with returns, overflow, or slightly damaged goods from major retailers. Apprently, they have recently begun receiving merchandise from babycenter.com, and we are all the better for it. We bought all manner of baby items from clothes to nursing bras to baby carriers to bottles at 60-70% off. It's amazing. The best deal we've found so far was Happy Heinys cloth diapers which retail for $20 for...wait for it...$1.99!!!

Really, I can't say enough about my love affair with Surplus City. Anyway, we'd made an especially fruitful stop before heading to Nashville to visit. We had a really great time at lunch with everyone visiting and sharing stories. Benjamin loves a deal as much as Nicholas so I was telling him all about Surplus City. He said that he often buys stuff at discounters and sells them for a profit on eBay. Well, that was all the inspiration I needed. We went back to Surplus City on Sunday and I bought a brand new, factory sealed breastpump that I posted on eBay the same night. Not three hours later, I had sold that puppy for $100 profit.

And so my love affair with Surplus City continues...

Two Downs:
1. The tiny area between my ribs and my uterus where all my internal organs are all squished up is extremely sensitive and getting more so by the day.
2. I've been having more trouble sleeping or more accurately getting back to sleep when I wake up in the middle of the night to pee.

Two Ups:
1. I've picked out all the linens and furniture for the baby's room - something I had kept myself from thinking about until we bought a house.
2. I've bought some serious boy clothes over the past week (I felt bad for him!) and I have to say there are some pretty dang cute boy outfits out there. It's more challenging but that also makes it more fun.

Week 31

So, this week was consumed with me stressing/freaking/adjusting to the fact that our baby girl is in fact a baby boy.

I woke up on Monday and made an appointment to see a local OB/GYN to hopefully get one more ultrasound to confirm the gender. They couldn't get me in until first thing Friday morning, so I decided my next line of attack would be finding American ultrasound techs to look at the Mexican ultrasound pictures.

I sent the pictures with my mom to show to a friend who had been a tech for 20 years, but unfortunately she was out of town. Then I discovered a community chat room on babycenter.com where techs will look at your pictures. When Mom finally got home with the pics, I uploaded them immediately. Around the same time, her friend called from her vacation and told us to email the pictures to her.

She ended up responding the same time as all the women on the chat room and the answer was a resounding "Yeah, that is for SURE a boy!"

I might have cried...a lot...for pretty much the next 24 hours.

Everyone knows I wanted to a girl, but I have to be honest I was more upset at the way I found out. I definitely don't think my reaction would have been what it was if I had found at at the first ultrasound. As it was, I was told my baby was one thing and I really bonded with the image of that baby in my mind. Then, all of a sudden, I had that image jerked away and was told I had to start over from scratch. It was quite the emotional roller coaster.

So, the rest of the week creeped by at a glacial pace. Friday finally arrived and my appointment was at 9am. Unfortunately, the ultrasound tech couldn't squeeze me in until 3:30. Again, tick tock. Tick tock. Nicholas went with me and we finally got into the room around 4:30. She took her time (unlike the other two) and then finally proclaimed that she was 300% sure it was a boy. Actually, you didn't need to be a tech because once he opened his leg it was pretty clear.

However, the best part was that we were able to have an 4D ultrasound and see his little face. It really helped me to realize that this was my baby and that even if I had some vital information wrong I've known him all along. Oh, we also confirmed that he has the sweetest face EVER. ;)

Of course, this did leave the small matter of the baby shower I had the next day. Luckily, I have some sorority sisters who think fast on their feet and were able to completely shift the theme of the baby shower they were throwing me in Louisville. We drove up that day and met everyone for lunch. The shower didn't start until 3 so we were able to go by and see our dear friends Annie Kyle's new little guy Collin. He had a rough start after being a born a month early and had just recently gotten out of the hospital. It was so wonderful to see his sweet face and to see Annie so happy to have her baby home in her arms.

The now baby BOY themed shower went beautifully. Emily's house was picture perfect and we had lots of yummy treats and fun games. I got a ton of great gear and I have to say now that I've had both a baby girl and baby boy shower my thesis holds true. Girl clothes are so fun to buy that's basically the majority of the gifts. However, with a baby boy, you get a lot more of the gear off your registry. Both have their pluses but it was funny to see how different they were.

We drove back that night so we could go look at houses on Sunday. We didn't start until late in the afternoon so Nicholas could have his first official fishing trip as a Kentucky resident. I met my Nanny and cousins Paige and Micah for breakfast while he was out. We met up with Ron and Mom and set out to look at about 7 houses. We liked several but ended up back at one we had seen previously in the week. It has a great location and is really well laid out with lots of space.

The one deal breaker is the master bathroom. It currently has this shower pod thing, which just will not do. I want a bathroom to MYSELF with a BATHTUB. I'm not willing to budge on this. So, we're getting an estimate on a bathroom redo. If the number is reasonable, then we're set to go.

Again, stay tuned!

Two Downs:
1. Feeling guilty that I was so upset about the whole gender debacle.
2. I know everyone wants to be involved but I'm not enjoying going through the whole "do you have any names picked out?" again.

Two Ups:
1. Seeing my beautiful boy's face. BIG up!
2. He's getting so big I can start to identify certain little baby parts when they poke out one side of my stomach, although I still go with "unidentified baby knot" some of the time. :)

My first baby BOY shower! :)

My first baby BOY shower! from hollandnm on Vimeo.

Meet our baby boy

Week 30

And the week started so well...

On Monday, we woke up and went down to Allen Auto Sales and bought a shiny new Prius! We had talked a lot about it and we basically took it for a short test drive to make sure our stroller fit and we were good to go. About an hour later the car was ours!

That afternoon we drove to St. Louis in our new ride to stay with my dear friend's Aunt Debbie since our flight for Cancun left at 6am the next morning. We got to Cancun safely and hung out on the beach, which was lovely. The next morning we woke up early and claimed a nice little cabana and read and napped and just generally enjoyed the waves and the sun.

It was all going to so well until Wednesday night when I woke up not feeling so great. I'm sure we all know the common result of going to Mexico so I won't go into the gory details. I was fine most of the day on Thursday and I talked to my midwife who encouraged me to stay hydrated and just it pass. However, as it got dark, we both got worried that we should call a doctor since we were supposed to fly out first thing in the morning on Friday. So, a doctor came to our room and said I wasn't dehydrated but that it might be a good idea to go to the hospital to get IV fluids to speed my recovery. He said it would take 4-6 hours.

Well, we get to the hospital, which was very nice, and the doctor came in and said he wanted to admit me. He basically said we had to do what he said or we wouldn't get the Free to Fly form that was required to go home. Of course, it didn't matter because we missed our flight had to reschedule for Saturday as there was only one flight to St. Louis a day. They ended up keeping me until late Friday afternoon and finally let me go after I'd flipped out on several staff members and kept making a stink until they let me go. Our discharge papers described me as "muy delicato."

We made it safely home the next day but alas the babymoon that went bust will not go quietly away. Why do you ask? Because the night of admission, the doctor ordered what seemed like an unnecessary ultrasound. At first I was excited to see the baby again, that was until the tech announced it was a boy.

That's right - little penis and scrotum. A boy.

So, that brings the grand total to two ultrasounds saying it's a girl and one saying it's a boy. Isn't that so much fun!?! Oh wait, no it's not fun. It's ridiculous. But don't worry we're going to hopefully add a fourth to the list on Friday that will hopefully settle the matter once and for all.

Stay tuned.

Week 29

Hmmm...what happened this week? Nothing really stands out in my mind. Oh wait! That's right! We moved home to Kentucky!!!!

We packed up the rest of our stuff (Nicholas will debate how much is "ours" and how much is mine but whatever) on Monday and Tuesday. The movers came on Wednesday.  Nicholas out did himself on researching and finding the best company because they hauled all our heavy crap down three flights of stairs and somehow defied the laws of physics to make it fit into a 17 foot Uhaul in a little under 3 hours. Our cleaning lady came one more time so we wouldn't have to worry about the final cleanup, which was great.

Nicholas's good friend Paul took us out to dinner our last night in town, which was very generous, and we spent a lovely last evening on our air mattress. Not surprisingly, it was a little unusual to see the place all empty but it was also all I had been focusing on when there seemed to be a box every place I stepped so it was pretty nice. 

The closing went off without a hitch on Thursday morning. For months, I had been picturing myself with a big ole belly sitting at the closing table signing documents for months and I have to admit it was a pretty emotional moment to see it finally happening before me. We set out in the Uhaul around 1pm and had a completely uneventful drive to Louisville, where we arrived around midnight.

Our dear friends Tim and Emily (and their little guy John Turner) graciously put us up for the next two nights. We basically just hung out on Friday since we were pretty exhausted from the drive and went to dinner that night with my college roommate Erin and her husband Seth.  I woke up early on Saturday to take the MPRE, which went really well, and then we set out for Paducah after lunch. 

The last couple of minutes of the drive were pretty intense. As we hit the Paducah exits (yes there's more than one!), I almost had to hold myself back from feeling the entire depth of my emotions it was so overwhelming. I have been dreaming and planning and focusing so much energy on moving home for over a year now and to be in the moment where all it all comes to fruition was powerful. As we got closer and closer, I could feel everything that lies in front of us, all the promise our lives here hold and I kept thinking of one of my favorite quotes from The Hours:

It had seemed like the beginning of happiness, and Clarissa is still sometimes shocked, more than thirty years later, to realize that it was happiness; that the entire experience lay in a kiss and a walk, the anticipation of dinner and a book...What lives undimmed in Clarissa's mind more than three decades later is a kiss at dusk on a patch of dead grass, and a walk around a pond as mosquitoes droned in the darkening air. There is still that singular perfection, and it's perfect in part because it seemed, at the time, so clearly to promise more. Now she knows: That was the moment, right then. There has been no other.

Week 28

Well, things are wrapping up. Last week was our final full week in D.C. and I spent a lot of time meeting old friends for lunch and doing final goodbyes. It was definitely sad to say goodbye to the little family I've made here. I look back at all the wonderful friendships I've formed in law school and during my time at Hillaryland and on the Hill and I get a little teary thinking those people won't be just a metro ride away anymore.

Luckily, I had a fabulous prenantal massage on Friday to ease some of my sadness. ;) I went to a spa that specializes in pregnant women, where all the therapists are trained and certified in prenatal massage. That's something else I'm going to miss actually is the resources of the big city. Something tells me such a thing doesn't exist in Paducah.

Of course the big highlight of my week was the big baby shower/law school reunion. Another one of my law school classmates Leslie, who now lives in California, is pregnant and we decided to have a joint shower and get everyone together for a bit of a reunion. My nearest and dearest from law school, Laura Sinrod, arrived on Friday evening. (Nicholas says our friendship is actually just vanity because we're so much alike.) We had major catching up to do and stayed up way too late talking.

Laura and Leslie's nearest dearest Laura (yes two Laura's - try to keep up here people) hosted the shower for us on Saturday afternoon. They did such a great job with great food and sweet "little one" decorations everywhere. They outdid themselves on the game though. We had a "Mom-Off" which included baby care trivia, nursery rhyme completion, name-the-celebrity-baby, and (my favorite) daddy questions. They had quizzed our husbands beforehand and we had to guess their answers a la The Newlywed Game. It was such a blast, made all the better by the fact that I won and was declared the Superior Momma! ;)

After the shower, we met up with all our favorite menfolk from law school and had a big dinner. We had such a great time and it was so perfect to spend my last weekend in DC with all the people who had really defined a majority of my time here - even if most of them have moved out of town since then.

Two Downs:
1. I wish I could eat more because I know I'm going to be hungry again in an hour or two. However, there is just no more room.
2. My lower back has started to bother me, especially in the mornings.

Two Ups:
1. Definitely all the precious precious baby girl clothes we got at the shower. Y'all the cuteness was overwhelming.
2. Oh, let me see, hmmmmmm.... the fact that we're moving to Kentucky in a matter of days!!!!

My very first baby shower!

Joint Shower - February 28, 2009 from hollandnm on Vimeo.

Week 27

So, last week was my final week of work.

JJJAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIII HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

(Insert a very pregnant Sarah doing her own celebratory version of the dance in Slumdog Millionaire)

It was a little bittersweet to say goodbye to all my coworkers but I'm so looking forward to this next stage of our life...and you know lots of naps. ;)

Two Downs:
1. I've been having a lot of rib pain. One morning I woke up and swore the baby used my left rib as a pillow all night long.
2. As we're packing and getting organized, I get frustrated with how limited I am. Not that I'm looking to haul stuff up and down the stairs but still.

Two Ups:
1. Several of our friends have sent us children's books off our Amazon Registry and Nicholas has been reading to baby every night. All the books are so sweet and it's so awesome to think about reading to her once she's actually here.
2. I am still feeling really good and am hoping I can stave off the uncomfortable stage for a few more weeks.

The Oscars

Our good friends Alice and Chris came over last night for the Oscars. We had a great time watching the ceremony, although all of us were getting way tired by the end. Overall, I thought the show was fine - not too many surprises, but I really enjoyed some of the changes like all the former winners talking to each nominees.

But now to the fun part!

My best dressed was Anne Hathaway. I just thought she looked pitch perfect from the gorgeous sparkle of the gown to the understated earrings. I just loved it.


















My worst dressed was Jessica Biel. Her hair looked sloppy and the dress was a disaster.

Top 10 Top 10 Lists Everyone Should Make: 6-10

So found this in my work files as I was wrapping up and decided I'd finish them up all at once. :)

Top 10 Presidents
1. Abraham Lincoln – no contest!
2. FDR
3. George Washington
4. Thomas Jefferson
5. Teddy Roosevelt
6. Harry Truman
7. John Kennedy
8. Andrew Jackson (on entertainment factor alone)
9. Bill Clinton
10. Barack Obama (I’m feeling optimistic)


Top 10 Songs That Address The Topic of Love – This was definitely the hardest to make.

1. First Day of My Life – Bright Eyes

This is also the sweetest video EVER. If you watch only one of the ones I've posted, watch this one.



2. The Luckiest – Ben Folds



3. In Your Eyes – Peter Gabriel



4. God Only Knows – The Beach Boys



5. Ring of Fire – Johnny Cash



6. Let’s Stay Together – Al Green



7. Dimming of the Day – Bonnie Raitt



8. Ordinary People – John Legend

Ordinary People ~ John Legend
by Cehcw

9. Open Window (The Wedding Song) – Sarah Harmer



10. Shania Twain – Still the One



Top 10 People You'd Most Want to Meet (no, not him. living people.)
1. The Dixie Chicks
2. Gayle King (I’ve already met Oprah) ;)
3. Tina Fey
4. Julia Roberts
5. Justin Timberlake
6. Kate Gossling
7. Sarah Jessica Parker
8. Barbara Kingsolver
9. Michael Pollan
10. Dolly Parton

Top 10 Band Names
This is impossible because I honestly do not even think about a band’s name. I don’t think I’ve ever said, “I love the band name!” So I’ve decided I’m going to let my friend Leslie, queen of obscure bands, fill this one in in the comment section.

Top 10 Moments of Joy To Experience Before You Die

1. I think I’ve got a major one coming up around May 18 ;)
2. And related to that – first words, first laugh, first steps.
3. A winning election night
4. My 50th Wedding Anniversary
5. Skydiving
6. Standing at the top of Angel Falls
7. Watching my children graduate/get married/ have kids of their own
8. Publishing a book.
9. Speaking in front of a crowd of thousands
10. Being a guest on the Oprah Show.

Week 26

We had a really great week. The highlight of my week was the Lincoln ceremony (see below) but overall we've just been getting ready to go. We started packing this weekend and put a real dent in it I think. We also continued the Lincoln theme and went to see the "With Malice Towards None" exhibit at the Library of Congress, which was fantastic.

We had a lovely Valentine's Day - although I have to say for any of you doubting how seriously takes spending money, I think you'll understand after this story. We had had reservations at the French restaurant up the street from our house for a week or two. Nicholas had scoped out the menu and we were both really looking forward to it. However, when we showed up, we realized there was only a limited Valentine's Day three course menu available for $65. Well, let me tell you, Nicholas balked. He doesn't like feeling like he's being taken advantage of at the best restaurants but this place is French bistro - nothing spectacular. So, we turned our happy butts around and went and had sushi instead! It was a little disappointing at first but I think we did the smart thing in the end. Plus, we still had a really lovely Valentine's night out.

Two Downs:
1. I had a midwife appointment this week and they totally freaked me out because she measured me about 3 weeks ahead according to my fundal height. I made a huge mistake of googling what this could mean before consulting my fellow preggers and freaked myself out even further. Apparently, this is pretty common but I'm going back in two weeks just to see if there has been any change. Also, I have low iron and have to start taking iron pills. Boooo!
2. I've started having Braxton Hicks contractions. While they don't hurt, they are uncomfortable and can make breathing difficult depending on my position.

Two Ups:
1. I passed my glucose screen! Take that gestational diabetes!
2. I still haven't gained too much weight and it's all in my belly. No fat face here!

The 200th Birthday of our Greatest President

Today was the Congressional Ceremony honoring the Lincoln Bicentennial. As a self-professed "Lincolnite," I was honored to attend the ceremony and was particularly excited when I found out our current President would be speaking.

It was a pretty profound experience to be sitting in the Capitol Rotunda with the President of the United States listening to the National Anthem. Not surprisingly, in his remarks, President Obama touched on Lincoln's gift for empathy and desire for reconciliation after the Civil War and the lessons we can take away from that today. I was particularly touched by his remarks because it is not only my favorite aspect of Lincoln's character but also what I find most appealing about our current President - that drive to unite us under a common goal and point us towards our better instincts as a people.

There was a long list of other speakers on the program, but I have to say I was most excited about Doris Kearns Goodwin, the Pulitizer Prize winning author of the famous Lincoln biography Team of Rivals. She only spoke a short time but I was able to introduce myself afterwards and tell her how much I loved her book and how it really sparked a deep affection and curiosity for old Abe. The funniest part was I was clearly not the only fan because a group of 6 or 7 Senators gathered around her aftewards like a bunch of groupies.

All in all, it was a pretty fantastic experience and it made me realize how much I'm going to miss the opportunities D.C. affords me.

Metro Angel

I do believe the pregnancy gods heard my plea about Metro seat rudeness.

This morning Nicholas and I stepped onto a semi-crowded train. I was looking around for a seat and telling Nicholas that I wanted to sit down. I thought one guy saw me but I don't think it registered. Then all of a sudden this older woman is snapping her fingers in his face, "Dude! Get up and let this lady sit down!"

It was amazing. I think the guy was still about half asleep, but he hopped up and offered me his seat. I thanked the woman profusely. Not only had she gotten me a seat, she had made my entire morning.

Week 25

So, remember how over the past couple of weeks I kept reporting that we didn't have too much going on?

Internet, I might have been telling the tiniest of fibs.

Turns out we do have a little bit to report. Mainly that both Nicholas and I have quit our jobs, we sold our condo, and we're moving back to Kentucky! And y'all thought getting pregnant was our big news! ;)

Actually, getting pregnant was really where all this started because Nicholas and I never really had aspirations to raise our children in D.C. If being pregnant is this hard, I can't imagine how hard actually taking care of this little being will be and I have absolutely no desire to do it while working at a demanding job with no support system in place.

So, after much discussion and maybe a little bit of convincing Nicholas (who is notoriously risk adverse), we decided that Nicholas would start looking for a job and we would see how things went. Well, the universe definitely agreed with us that we belonged back home in Kentucky because this fabulous job basically fell in Nicholas's lap. Still we had the major hurdle of selling our condo in a less than great economy. Apparently, we wasted a fair amount of mental energy worrying about that too because we got an offer after about 10 days.

We close on March 5th and then we're loading up the Uhaul and headin' to Kentucky!

Two Downs:
1. I'm starting to really resent people on the Metro who look straight at me and don't offer up their seat. Even if I don't actually need to sit down, it really pisses me off.
2. I am so over my winter maternity clothes. I'm tired of wearing black.

Two Ups:
1. Eight more days of work! Wooty woo!
2. I ordered a bunch of spring maternity clothes off Old Navy that I'm totally pumped about. :)

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

So, it was only a matter of time before the cameras started rolling. Nadya Suleman, the now infamous mother of brand new octuplets, did her first television interview with Ann Curry after being released from the hospital.

It has taken me several days to be able to discuss this woman and her current situation rationally. To be honest, I have a pretty visceral reaction to huge families no matter how the children are conceived. I truly feel that at a certain point (let's say double digits) there are more children than there is time in the day to meet their emotional needs. Childhood is precious and finite. As an only child, I grew up having a large community of adults loving me unconditionally and meeting whatever needs (not wants) I had in pretty short-order. As I quickly approach motherhood myself, I cannot express in words what a blessing it is to feel completely and totally validated as a child. I was never told to take a backseat and I never felt ignored, even for a moment.

Did I feel misunderstood at times? Of course. Did I get everything I ever asked for? No. However, even if I felt like my parents and I were on different planets, I always knew that in that moment they were willing to drop everything and at least listen to me. In a family of 10 - 12 - or God save us - 14, that is simply not a reality. The logistical reality is that raising that many children takes up almost more hours than there are in a day.

Now, most of you know that I am a huge fan of Jon and Kate + 8, which might seem a bit hypocritical. However, the crucial difference to me is that Jon and Kate did not choose their current situation. They had twins and decided to try one more time. Now, they knew that there was a small chance of multiples and they accepted that risk. What I appreciate the most about them is when they got struck by lightning and fell in that tiny percentile, they were VERY honest about how devastating it was. They accept that in some ways their children, particularly the twins, will suffer as a result and they face it honestly. Most importantly, they STOPPED. They don't act like more kids is always better and they realize their own limitations.
Which leads us back to Ms. Suleman. This was her SEVENTH fertility treatment. The fact that she already had six children and decided to take that risk and put all of their fates in the balance seems completely irresponsible to me. In the best of circumstances, one has to know that each treatment increases the chances that this time you will get struck by lightning.

Of course, her specific circumstances are what make Ms. Suleman infamous as opposed to in pre-production for her own TLC show. She claims in the interview that people are reacting so strongly because of discrimination against single mothers. First, I am not completely convinced that the public's reaction wouldn't be just as strong against a couple who had six children and continued to get infertility treatment, because I know mine would be. But the fact that this woman is single, unemployed, and living with her parents and chose to have another round of treatment is the height of irresponsibility. I think a single mother of one child would tell you those circumstances make raising a child incredibly difficult, much less raising fourteen. She also claims in the interview that after she finishes her degree (which I'm not sure she'll have time to do with fourteen kids) she'll be able to provide for them all. But again, she seems to have a warped since of reality. She is pursuing a masters in psychotherapy. In order to become a psychotherapist, who do make good money, she'll need to get her PhD and then take a LOT of clients in order to provide financially for fourteen kids on her own. Not to mention, making enough money to be the sole provider for fourteen kids will leave almost no time to be their primary caregiver.

However, while I feel like a lot of the public outrage is on her lack of resources, I personally would be just as outraged if she was married to Bill Gates. If you want to see how consistent I am, I suggest being in a room with me when a commercial for 17 Kids and Counting comes on. I honestly don't care if you can perfectly provide for all their physical needs. The truth is if you really loved children that much, you would improve the lives of the ones you already have. I think the reason I have such a passionate reaction to Ms. Suleman and others like her who claim that their desire for large families is based on a love of children or some sort of selfless instinct is because I don't believe them. I think the real truth is that they are making these decisions for incredibly selfish reasons and to meet their own personal emotional needs. Unfortunately, long after we've forgotten about Ms. Suleman and the cameras have stopped rolling on others like her, the children are left living with the repercussions of those decisions.

Update: It just keeps getting worse.

Week 24

We had a pretty uneventful week. The baby is cooking away. We took this weekend to go to the Museum of American History to see the new First Ladies exhibit and the temporary Abraham Lincoln exhibition. We also got to see the Star Spangled Banner. The line was crazy long when we went to the unveiling a couple of months ago. However, this time we got through and I have to say they've done a fantastic job. I rounded to corner to see it and burst into tears. I didn't expect it to be that powerful but it truly was. Unfortunately, Nicholas had to skip out to go to work after the First Ladies but I enjoyed Abraham Lincoln immensely. I also got to go to The Butterfly Conservatory, which was overwhelming and gorgeous. The butterflies were everywhere. They even have to check you before you leave for "hitchhikers."

Two Downs:
1. I think my pregnancy heater kicked on.
2. Getting up is getting difficult.

Two Ups:
1. The baby is moving so much. She seems particularly active for Nicholas...already a Daddy's girl I suppose.
2. Got more awesome stuff off craigslist for the cheap! A My Brest Friend for $15 and a Snugglenest for $30. ALSO, somebody (whoever you are - thanks!) bought the first thing off our registry. It TOTALLY made my week. An unfortunate side effect is now I check it obsessively to see if anyone else has bought anything. :)